Lorenna

Lorenna, wow. The "punk rock" princess, I always called her. If I remember correctly, her brother was in the GOODWILL (former WHOOPIE CUSHION) and her cousin was in MIDTOWN (Gabe I think his name was?) She was close with Kris Roe of THE ATARIS seeing how the ATARIS used to stay at her house all the time when they toured during their "growing years". I always thought if I got close with this girl, she could hook us up somehow. The funny thing is, it may have crossed my mind, but after meeting the girl, I was crazy for her.

I met her at our show April 20th, 2002 at the Huntington Church. "Old First Church" I think it was called. THE GOODWILL was playing, and since we hooked up the guys booking it with a show (TEMPORARY SOLUTION) they let us open up. I actually have this thing taped. I have the moment taped when I first met her haha.

I remember at this show specifically (since it's all recorded) that Sabina was there, a girl I kind of had a thing for. We played her song "QUICKSILVER QUEEN", which was honestly written about her, I think I just missed the mark a little with the lyrics (I assumed she was like some sort of social butterfly, and insinuated all her friends were ugly by making her like the JEWEL in the crown through the lyrics. It was really shallow, I guess, but I was young, what do you want me to do? hahaha). Lorenna didn't get there til later, so I think the only reason I became friends with her is because she didn't know how much we sucked.

I don't really remember the chain of events afterwards. We may have given her or sold her a CD. She wound up contacting me via AIM. We talked, and I think the next time I saw her (I really have a hard time remembering) was at the Battle of the Bands when I asked her to take pictures of us, thinking she was like a pro photographer...actually, I saw her one time at Northport Baptist Church. I think I was picking up my sister or younger brother, something along those lines, and she wound up meeting up with me, and that was the first time we kissed. The first time we kissed, I didn't think she was that great of a kisser. I think her breath was a little sour also. But whatever.

I don't remember too much the chain of events afterwards. I do remember a huge moment in my mind, the decisiveness of "which way to go"...I'll always remember this, and maybe this is why I'm so affectionate towards the girl in retrospect.

I think it was towards the end of the N25 era...September 28th, maybe? We played a show at LOCAL 7 with a bunch of BIG name bands. THis was our second to last show as N25. Lorenna came, and this was after Jenna, the girl I was crazy in love with, had left for good for college (that was like August 25th) We played at this show, and Jenna had come home for the weekend. I wanted to see her so bad, so her family invited me out to dinner on the same night as this show. Farmingdale is a lot closer to Douglaston than my hometown, so I decided I would leave everyone at the show (my bandmates), drive out to her house, have dinner, and then come back.

The funny thing is, and the memory is now blurry to me, but I remember leaving her at the show, and I don't think she wanted me to leave. She knew I was going to see Jenna. I had spent a lot of the last month working, and making sporadic plans to come see Lorenna. I still had feelings for Jenna, but there was also this girl Amanda who I was starting to feel for, so it was like a three way battle in my mind for which I girl I wanted to fully devote my emotions to, and Lorenna was in third place. (I know, real "fucked up" problem, right? hahaha)

On my way to see Jenna, I was in ratty pants, a shitty T shirt, my hands were bleeding from my guitar, all I thought about was Lorenna. My potential "punk rock" princess. I had the girl in the palm of my hands (not like CONTROLLING, but I mean I had the opportunity to make this girl mine.) I could have had things with her. I wanted to see Jenna, but at the same time, I wanted to spend the rest of the night with Lorenna. I was in PUNK ROCK mood, not "high class" mood.

I was going to a HIGH CLASS Italian restaraunt to see Jenna, while I was wearing a shitty hat, and dressed like a total dirtbag. This was in Douglaston, which isn't a bad area of Queens. A lot of Asians live there (the smart ones, not the Jackie Chan gangbangers...if those even exist) At this point in my life, in my mind, the "big decision" was...

"MUSIC or SUCCESS?"

The funny thing is, little did I know, this would be a battle I would struggle with for years to come. I saw it this way....

Lorenna, was the queen of the music scene in my mind. The perfect girlfriend for a dude in a band involved in the scene. She was beautiful, fun to be around, great personality, and PUNK ROCKED out (not like mohawk, I mean like the modern POP PUNK shit I guess haha).

Jenna, the hard working, intelligent, ridiculously smart, potential out the ass, beautiful woman with a strong head on her shoulders. Knew what she wanted, and how to get it (through college). If I wanted to be with a girl like this, I couldn't be working in a bagel shop. I had to be going to college, or be finished with a degree, you know?

Now, if this decision wasn't hard enough, going into this dinner would pretty much eliminate one of my choices here. We were at a high class restaraunt, and I looked like shit. I felt uncomfortable with my hat on, AND with my hat off. I felt like total shit. Then, while Jenna had soooo much to talk about with college, all I could talk about was my shitty job in the Bagel shop. And my shitty band...While in the meantime, knowing, Jenna was getting out of reach. I was losing my grip on her, her heart, and the love we had (summer 02 man, crazy love summer for me haha). Then I thought of Lorenna, and felt secure, felt comfort.

I really felt out of place at the dinner, and akward as hell. It gave her parents a final, lasting impression of me as a scumbag. Later, Jenna would tell me they thought I was "on drugs" that night. We went back to her house, where I played our full length CD that I finally was able to pay off, and I played the songs I wrote about her. My fate was already sealed with Jenna though. After that dinner, her parents hated me and did NOT want my "influence" spreading to Jenna (even though I don't think there was any way it ever could).

We kissed, hugged and said goodnight. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I honestly thought Jenna and I would remain friends. I figured we wouldn't date anymore, I couldn't tell her I loved her anymore, but that's okay, maybe we could stay close. My parents always said she was the type of woman I should strive to keep close my entire life.

This is all significant to Lorenna for a reason. Because she was the girl in the back of my mind that made me HONESTLY think I was safe and secure enough to lose Jenna. That's my problem...I can't just be single and THAT'S IT. I've gotta have another girl, or hook up, or something in mind. In this case, I had strong feelings about Lorenna, but there was also this Amanda girl back home (and this only plays into this because I think it's what kept me from fully pursuing a relationship with Lorenna)

I left Douglaston for the final time in my life. As of 2007, I have not been back. Jenna and I have chilled in 2004, and we have since patched things up, but I don't think I will ever be back in Douglaston to see Jenna.

I went back to Farmingdale at the show, where Joel was going crazy trying to get a hand job from Lorenna's friend, I had just missed the GOODWILL's set and curious if they played that song "Forgotten Feeling", which is still on my iPod playlists (and iPod shuffle). And I caught up with Lorenna. I think she was kind of angry that I left that night for Jenna. Once again, this night is very blurry in retrospect, but from what I remember, she was kind of angry. I may have kissed her once more, but it wasn't like making out.

I think it was a week or two later that I bought Angelo from GET WITH IT's van. I wanted to use it as a Noon to Five van, but then N25 broke up, and I used it as a POV. Lorenna was the first girl I chilled in it with, and I think it was the first night I owned the van. I remember putting a LEOPARD skin ceiling on the top of the van to try and increase it's "sex appeal". Hahaha.

I remember this night. We drove around Huntington. We went to a Burger King, I remember seeing a steak knife on the counter at Burger King. We went to an ITALIAN ICE shoppe in Huntington Village. We met her friend Jordan who she said was in love with her, but when he saw us together, realized he couldn't have her or something like that. Then we went out in the van, and I think I started making out with her and feeling her up.

This girl was probably the BEST KISSER ever. I mean, Joel kissed her after the whole LORENNA EXPERIENCE expired in my mind, and we've had talks about how she is a great fucking kisser. She had some awesome lip balm on, that tasted great. Her tongue was soft, and it always felt cold. And she didn't use too much of it. It kind of peeked out to make an appearance every once in awhile haha. It was passionate too it seemed, and next to Felicia, I think TO this day, with Felicia number 2 actually, Lorenna is the best kisser I've ever kissed.

Her breasts were bigger than they looked like when she was wearing a her normal clothes. I didn't see them, I just felt them, and I was shocked. THe only reason I didn't want to take it further was because she was wearing jeans, and they came up a little by the ankles. Her legs looked a little hairy. I don't think she shaved that day, and when I saw her legs were hairy, I knew the vag might be. After my experience with DARA (#12), I was scared of hairy vags haha. It's terrible but whatever. I didn't want my hands to smell bad. But who knows, it could have been in great condition.

I think after this we chilled every once in awhile the next few weeks. A few times, I couldn't show up for one reason or another (ie: I had work at 5am in the morning, and she wanted me to come out to Huntington at 10pm). A few times I had to ditch out on our plans. I didn't want to, and the thing with Amanda was starting to die down, or get out my reach. So my affections started really turning towards Lorenna a little bit more.

I'm not going to lie, even though she got pissed for what I still think she shouldn't have been pissed at (my work schedule being the reason we couldn't chill) I understand the girl was in 11th grade at the time. I was still 18. I think the last time I saw her while we were still kind of an "item", was on Halloween. I was supposed to be at her house to pick her up and take her to a party at like 6, I wound up coming at 9. I had a good reason, and it wasn't bullshit, I just can't remember now what it was.

She came out of her house, yelled at me. I apologized, but I think this was like the 5th time in the last 2 weeks it happened. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she told me "just go home". I didn't even try to convince her to change her mind. I just pretty much said "FINE!" and wound up getting back in my van, and driving home. I wish I would have tried to change her mind, because I think me and her would have gotten along great in a relationship. It may have kept me stronger towards the scene, and I mean the girl was really, a beautiful girl. Inside and out.

Anyway, it took a few months for the air to clear, and we became friends again. Me and Joel went to a bitrhday party she had about a year later, and we wound up seeing the band TIME WILL TELL there, and we played our new bands demo for them (SUMMERS LAST WAVE) and they looked jealous, whether or not they actually were. I think Lorenna actually met TIME WILL TELL the same time she met me. The same show on April 20th, 2002. Joel and I were just pricks the whole time at the party. Not to her, but to some of her friends. I remember one of her friends, she described as being "cynical". The rest of the night, everytime she spoke, Joel would just yell "CYNICAL BITCH!" and it's one of those "inside jokes" between myself and myself haha that I'll speak every once in awhile. Me and Joel were convinced all of her friends were extremely emo, and we showed up, in our minds, "above it all". Joel and I started getting bored, so we started scratching balloons (it makes a really loud rubbing noise). Her friends were getting pissed, and I was cracking up. I don't think Lorenna really cared whether or not we pissed off her friends, but she seemed pretty happy. Me and her did not kiss at this party. SHe may have had a boyfriend, I don't remember.

The last time I saw her was at the CCC in Huntington. She hooked up our band (SLW) with a show that she booked. TEMPORARY SOLUTION's new band played right before us. We consider this show our best one ever. She was there, and I believe I got a video clip of us together, maybe a picture, I don't recall. She was busy running the show, and we didn't really spend any time together. We were just both kind of doing our own thing. We talked for about a minute but that was all. I have her on video coming up to me and telling me we had to cut our set short due to time limits, during our show. It was cool, of course.

I think after that, I gave her a hug, and we all headed out. I haven't seen her to this day.

The funny thing is, and maybe this is because of myspace, I still think about her all the time. Not like every day, I'm like "what if?" I just mean I think about her like I wonder what she's up to, and how she's been. It's probably because on my myspace she's number 3 in the chronological order. I added her when I first got myspace, because I still kept in touch with her online. We left like one or two comments about each other, and thats it. We rarely talk online, rarely talk via myspace. I'm lucky if I get a word out of her. I try, but who knows.

She one referred to me as "Fred is sooo 10th grade" as in the "Fred" experience in her mind was 10th grade, not me personally haha.

I'd love to see the girl again. Sure, it'd be cool to kiss her to see if she still has it, but then again, if she doesn't, what would I say? "You lost your kissing ability."? hahaha.

The sad thing though, is that this girl, will always mean more to me, than I could ever possibly mean to her. Just because she was the one that made me say "fuck this" to what Jenna and I had (even though I later regretted it...whoops!) She made me choose the music thing. I knew we could be happy as long as I was doing the band thing. But there's no way it could be the same to her. I wasn't structural in a life-changing event in her life. Not that I know of at least.

This girl I think of in a very positive manner. Sometimes I may sugar coat the memories, but I can't remember it exactly when it comes to the chain of events between the two of us, for the life of me. I hope she goes far in life, and she deserves somebody awesome, or just to be as prosperous as she can be. Sometimes, I wished my band would get big, and go somewhere, just so I could hire her to be our photographer or something. I'd pay her like 6 gs haha if I could afford it (note to self: This is what made MC Hammer bankrupt). Just to be friends with the girl again. She's busy, she has a life, and all I can do is remember. Luckily, she hasn't faded too much. Not yet.